Discovering and Unwrapping My Gifts
Are you familiar with a White Elephant gift exchange? It’s the winter holidays game where each attendee brings a wrapped gift, and all the gifts get placed into a pile. The first player chooses a gift and unwraps it. Each subsequent player takes their turn by either choosing a remaining unwrapped gift from the pile, or deciding that they’d rather “steal” a previous gift from one of the other players.
Why am I describing this game here? Well, if there was a White Elephant gift exchange for character strengths i.e. personal gifts, I remember the night I wanted to swap mine for a better one.
Let me explain.
I was nineteen years old, working as one of two clinic aides at a brain injury rehabilitation facility. The head of my department (Linda) invited me and the rest of our department to her home for a team dinner.
Linda was one of my first mentors - she was brilliant. That night while we were all still seated at the dinner table, Linda decided she would, one-by-one, make a toast to, and say a few words about, each person sitting at the table. She led with my colleague, Danielle, and I remember her heartfelt words exactly: “Danielle you are THE MOST competent aide I have ever had.”
I waited with bated breath for my turn to receive feedback from the woman I had grown to admire. The moment arrived, she turned to me, her eyes lit up, her smile grew, and she said, “And Nicole, you are just like a breath of fresh air!” I sobbed all the way home. I thought, “If that’s my gift, my contribution, I want to swap.”
I processed this heartbreak with my mother (remember, I was still just a teenager!). She tried to help me understand the potential value or meaning of “being a breath of fresh air.” I was inconsolable. The narrative I created by being described as a breath of fresh air was that Linda thought I was an airhead that happened to be a pretty nice person. UGH!
The next day I spoke with Linda about my feelings. Could she give me some feedback on how to improve?
Linda expressed that I was doing an excellent job -- in fact exceeding expectations -- and attempted to convey the positive impact I was making in the lives of both the staff and patients. I didn’t buy it: please pass this gift to the right. I want the “most competent” gift please.
Oh, speaking of gifts (and I’m not kidding here), as a going away present at the end of summer when I headed back to college, the department presented me with wind chimes, to hang in that “fresh air.”
Without a doubt, being called a breath of fresh air that night instigated my pursuit of a doctorate degree. I worked tirelessly to be a competent clinician, and I am.
I returned to the same brain injury rehabilitation center and grew into a leader within the organization. I became an expert in the field of neuro-rehabilitation, oversaw strategic business planning, and was praised for developing “outside the box” strategies rooted in positive psychology that delivered superior patient outcomes, excellent customer satisfaction, and staff retention.
BUT despite all of the described success, guess what: turns out Linda was right. I am a breath of fresh air. AND I’m keeping my gift.
Oxford definition
Noun: breath of fresh air
a person or thing that constitutes a refreshing change
if you describe someone or something as a breath of fresh air, you mean that they are pleasantly different from what you are used to
It turns out that at the age of nineteen, I had found myself a job where I was able to utilize all five of my top five VIA Character Strengths and Virtues every day. I was flourishing! I was experiencing joy, meaning, and purpose, but it wasn’t until learning about positive psychology and taking the VIA Character Strengths and Virtues Survey that I could truly appreciate the power and energy generated by simply getting to utilize my gifts daily. The positive emotions that I was experiencing were sending ripples of positivity throughout the organization.
Our character strengths, also known as our gifts should not be confused with talents, such as those possessed by a concert pianist, world class chef or professional athlete. Character strengths are inherent to who we are. They are at the core of our nature. They are the enactment of our values and what makes us feel most alive. When you know what your top strengths are and have opportunities to apply them on a daily basis, you will feel an astounding shift in well-being and quality of life. These positive emotions are contagious – meaning that the positive boost you experience from knowing and using your top five character strengths will be shared throughout your organization and community.
My five top strengths are:
Honesty - Speaking the truth but more broadly presenting oneself in a genuine way; acting in a sincere way; being without pretense; taking responsibility for one’s feelings and actions.
Kindness - Doing favors and good deeds for others; helping them; taking care of them.
Social Intelligence - Being aware of the motives/feelings of others and of oneself; knowing what to do to fit into different social situations; knowing what makes other people tick.
Leadership - Encouraging a group of which one is a member to get things done, while at the same time maintaining good relations within the group; organizing group activities and seeing that they happen.
Love - Valuing close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing & caring are reciprocated; being close to people.
So, this is how I now see Linda’s comment: My tendency to show up authentically, with a knack for knowing what would be helpful in various social situations, backed by a genuine love for people has been experienced by others as refreshing - just like a breath of fresh air!
It’s taken a couple of decades to understand and appreciate how these character strengths aka gifts have contributed to the quality of my relationships, leadership skills, and just generally a fulfilling life. I chose a great career path that allowed me to utilize my top strengths every day. I understand that my best contributions have come with ease, and not through academic rigor. I still have moments when I scan the room and wish I could swap my gift, but it’s not too often, and now I mostly just admire, appreciate, and celebrate all the various gifts in the room, including my own.
Ready to learn about your character strengths? Visit VIA Institute to take the survey and wait no longer.
