Your Gifts: A New Love Language for 2024
Valentine's Day is not just about chocolates and roses. It's an opportunity to express love and appreciation. Learning about our partner’s character strengths is an opportunity to see our loved ones through a strength-based lens. Appreciating each other’s values and unique gifts fosters a deeper connection and love grounded in authenticity and mutual understanding. After all, love is not just a feeling; it's a celebration of our unique strengths that make each relationship extraordinary.
For those of you that might be new here, character strengths are at the core of Positive Psychology, a branch of psychology focused on the character strengths and behaviors that allow individuals to build a life of meaning and purpose—to move beyond surviving to flourishing. Applying that definition to #relationshipgoals, one can see why learning the language of gifts this Valentine’s Day may be a meaningful way to celebrate.
Ready to acknowledge and celebrate the strengths that make you and your partner special? Take a moment to reflect on the qualities that drew you to them and continue to strengthen your bond by heading over to VIA Institute on Character to take the free, 15-minutes survey. (Note: you will want to take the survey separately and then share your results with each other. Registration is required.)
The Gift Positive Psychology Brings to Relationships
Positive psychology emphasizes the importance of recognizing and cultivating strengths in ourselves and others. When we apply this philosophy to our relationships, it transforms the way we perceive our partners. Instead of dwelling on flaws or imperfections, we shift our focus to the inherent strengths that make our loved ones exceptional.
One key aspect of positive psychology in relationships is identifying and understanding each other's values and character strengths. Imagine your partner as a tapestry of unique qualities, each thread representing a character strength. Values are the guiding principles that shape our lives, while character strengths are the positive qualities that define our personalities. Exploring and appreciating these aspects in our partners allows us to gain valuable insights into what truly matters to them.
The Strengths of My Love Story
In my own journey of applying positive psychology to my relationship, my husband and I discovered that Honesty was our shared #1 strength. Despite appearing to have different personalities on the surface, we value showing up as we are—authentic and genuine. This realization deepened our connection, as we understood that transparency and trust were fundamental to our bond.
Understanding my husband's strength of Love of Learning transformed the way I perceived his inquisitive nature and constant need for more information. Instead of seeing it as obsessive or laborious, I recognize the energy and satisfaction he gets by taking those deep dive into various subjects or possibilities. This realization enhanced our communication, my patience, and allowed me to appreciate the richness he brings to our relationship through his love for exploration and knowledge. So yes honey, I will listen to you read me that blog on climate change.
Understanding our partners based on a strength framework, allows us to center our interactions and communication on what fuels them, bringing joy and meaning to each other.
A Few Ideas For Celebrating Love Character Strengths Style
Love Letters of Appreciation:
Write a love letter to your partner, highlighting the specific character strengths you adore in them. By expressing appreciation for their unique qualities, you will add depth to your Valentine’s Day celebration.
Strengths-themed Gifts:
Consider gifts that align with your partner's strengths. If they value Creativity, plan an artistic date. For those who value Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence, an outdoor activity might be the perfect gift.
Shared Reflection and Goal Setting:
Spend time reflecting on the strengths you both bring to the relationship. Discuss shared goals and how your strengths complement each other, creating a stronger bond.
Date Night with Dr. A:
Book a couples session with me* to dive deeper into the character strengths of you and your partner. In addition to learning more about strengths, we will discuss how different strengths work in complementary ways and how to navigate conflicts using a love language anchored in gifts.
Happy Valentine's Day!
As you celebrate love this Valentine's Day, go beyond the traditional expressions of affection. Embrace the positive psychology lens, recognizing and celebrating your partner's strengths. In doing so, you not only enhance the joy of the occasion but also nurture a relationship that thrives on the power of your unique gifts.
*A Date Night with Dr. A session includes the review/analysis of two VIA survey results, a 75-minutes video session with you and your partner and suggestions for gift follow ups you can do together. Offered in February for $250 per couple.
