Exploring Your Gifts with Mom

Mother-daughter relationships are sacred and powerful, a connection unlike any other. We come from our mothers; they are our first home. There is an intimacy that comes from that shared experience that is beyond words. There’s an understanding born in the inherent similarities we share with them. There can also be tension due to our differences.

Using Gifts as a Common Language in the Mother-Daughter Relationship

Amy & her daughter Brooke

Recently, I’ve witnessed how the knowledge of one’s character strengths can bridge the relationship between mother and daughter by creating a shared language and a common understanding of each other’s gifts and how they show up in that relationship. I hadn’t considered the value of unpacking character strengths with a mother and daughter duo but when my friend Amy asked if I would consider doing just that with her and her teenage daughter, Brooke, my eyes were opened to the opportunity for connection. Amy and Brooke were able to learn more about each other while expressing support and appreciation for each other’s strengths. Being in each other’s presence while learning about their strengths seemed to help them internalize and feel the strength they possess differently than I had witnessed before. 

Reflecting on My Mom’s Gifts and the Dynamics in Our Relationship

The experience with Amy and Brooke made me wish that I’d had the opportunity to do the same with my mother. I wondered which strengths we shared and which strengths contributed to our differences. 

I was lucky; my mother was easy to admire and respect. But there were times when her goodness made me feel guilty, or made me feel as if I was a disappointment. Looking back, I think this was mostly due to our differing approaches to conflict —especially inter-family and inter-personal conflict. When I would become angry because I felt slighted or put upon by relatives or friends, my mother encouraged me to suppress my anger. She would counsel me by saying things like,  “Kill them with kindness” or “What starts in anger, ends in shame.” She would offer me perspective and encourage me to build empathy and insight into others’ points of view. This often led me to think that my feelings were not valid and/or that I was being a jackass. 

As I grew older, these differing approaches became a topic of discussion for my mother and me many times. I felt that I needed to be able to speak openly and honestly in order to feel close to her. What I learned from the VIA Survey is that my top character strength is Honesty. The character strength of Honesty is all about us being who we say we are. We are in the world in a sincere and genuine way and we take responsibility for our emotions and actions. Whenever Honesty is absent, I shrink and grow weary from insincerity. Suppressing my emotions is not what I wanted to do. Thinking back, I would’ve loved to say, “See mom, I’m not being difficult, I’m being honest!” 

Another thought I’ve had when considering what my mother’s character strengths would be is that she (and my grandmother) would have had Humility as a top strength (100%), which happens to be my #24. It’s hilarious. My mother was always gracious and humble. As for me, let’s just say that if I was an NFL player, I would repeatedly be penalized for end zone celebrations. As I reflect on this strength of my mother’s, I’m inspired because I now know that true humility is a sign of strength and quiet confidence in who we are. 

Curious About Your Mom’s Strengths or Maybe Your Own?

In honor of Mother’s Day, I am offering a Mother & Daughter Unwrap Your Gift session* during the month of May. It’s a great gift and opportunity to celebrate your mother, grow closer to her, and amplify the positives in your life. I promise, it’s an experience that you will cherish for many Mother’s Days to come. 

*A Mother & Daughter Unwrap You Gifts session includes everything in the standard Unwrap Your Gifts program. The Mother’s Day twist is that it’s for two. Mom and daughter will each take the survey, then I will have the pleasure of facilitating via video  a 90-minute shared discussion about your gifts. To book a session, fill out the inquiry form and select the Mother & Daughter Unwrap Your Gifts as the program you're interested in.