Finding the “Ching” with Your Coaching Partner

There are coaches for just about everything. From getting in shape to finding your ideal career path or making space for happiness, people are investing their time, energy and money more than ever in these valuable relationships. 

With that said, finding the right coach can feel just as elusive as finding “that special someone.” Both are worth waiting for but sometimes feel difficult to find. Just like online dating, it can be difficult to predict if you will have “ching” with someone (my best friend's word for interpersonal chemistry that can't be determined by the attributes of someone). 

Here are a few things to keep in mind as you’re looking for your ideal coach:

Where are you headed?

My suggestion for finding your ideal coach is to start at your finish line. Define your end goal  and work backwards to find the best partner to get you there. For example, if you are looking to make a career move in your industry, finding a coach with experience in your industry may be a priority for your checklist.

How will you know when you get there?

Knowing your end goal is important. However, it doesn’t stop there. It’s important to also have clarity on reaching the goal. How will you know when you have achieved what you are after? Is it a concrete goal like launching a business, getting a promotion, or making a career change? Or is it centered on an internal state, such as increased well-being, happiness, meaning and purpose in your life? 

Refining your goals and expectations is a part of the coaching process, but finding a great partnership with a coach is made easier when you have defined some targets. For example, if you are looking for a meditation coach, you may not be searching for someone highly educated but rather someone who trained under a spiritual guru that you both follow.

Have I found my coach “soulmate?”

The coaching process is going to be more rewarding and enjoyable if you have “ching” with your coach, meaning a strong initial rapport. Someone you trust and find likable will ensure that you look forward to your sessions and that you have more fun along the way. Most coaches understand this and offer free initial consultations to determine if there is a good fit. The relationship needs to work for both parties, so they are using the intro call to also make sure they can offer what you need to achieve your goals.

Take the time to play the field with various coaches, before making a commitment. During introduction calls, you should inquire about the coach's approach and area of expertise. A great coach will be able to explain their overarching framework and expected outcomes in a way that you understand and more importantly, leaves you wanting more time with them. 

Is this the right coach for me?

You can learn a lot about a potential coach by the questions they ask you during an introduction call. Some questions will be more helpful than others. They can also reveal the approach a coach will take to achieving your outcomes. It’s a good idea to make sure the questions align to the original goal you set out for yourself in doing this work. Good questions encourage people to explore different perspectives—they invite us to consider possibilities. Are the questions designed to identify problems to solve, or is the potential coach asking questions that help you discover the good and the possible in your situation in a way that fuels your confidence, courage, and commitment? 

Remember, questions can be just as important as answers in helping you to determine what you want to achieve, and giving you the ability to imagine a plan and create the future reality you desire. Consider how the questions asked make you feel. 

Am I the right client for this coach?

I love helping people and being part of their stories. However, I have learned that I’m not always the ideal partner for every client and I do my best to determine that with them up front. It doesn’t feel good for you or your coach if at the end of your coaching session you feel like progress towards your end goal wasn’t achieved. Be sure to ask your potential coaching partner how they would describe their ideal client to confirm you align with their coaching “sweet spot.”

If you really like a coach as a person, but your gut is holding you back from committing there is probably a good reason. Something in the questions being asked or the conversation thread isn’t lining up with your end goals. Listen to your gut. This is a professional relationship and you’re investing your time, resources and energy.  If you’re not the right client for this coach, everyone is better off with you and them being clear on that early in your process.

Is there ‘ching’?

The coaching relationship is a very personal one. You want to wholeheartedly trust your selected coaching partner, so they have the freedom to know when and how to push you in a way that achieves your goals and personal growth you’re after. So if you ask yourself, do I have “ching?” and the answer is no. Then don’t settle, keep researching. Your ideal coaching partner is out there.

If it’s yes. Fantastic! It’s time to commit, and you will be on your way to gaining clarity, inspiration and motivation to achieve your desired outcome. Good luck.